August 1, 2017.
Flying to India.
It’s the first time I am not excited.
Not looking forward to the end of the flight, even though I am miserable on the flight.
I am scared. I think.
Partly of the immediate responsibilities.
Partly of the expectations that others might have from me.
That I can somehow come in and just fix everything.
If I don’t, then who else will?
But I am utterly unqualified to fix things.
In fact, I have probably never been good at it.
My normal solution is to throw money at others who can fix the problem.
But money can’t fix this, at least not at our level of money.
I am scared.
Of what happens if things get bad.
Or if they get really bad.
I don’t know which one is worse.